Thursday, September 6, 2012

In which I have not actually died or even given up completely

What have we learned since May?  Let's try a brief list and see how it goes.  It may be the only way to get self blogging regularly again.  

a) Humira never really kicked in.
b) Orencia is hideously expensive and my insurance hates me
c) narcotics are my friend despite swearing I'd never go to that length
d) My son still doesn't give a fuck about his grades, but he's great at Halo.  He's also a great kid and one of my sole sources of joy lately.  He just doesn't care if he finishes high school.  GAH!
e) My mother-in-law is never, ever leaving and you have no idea how depressing that thought is
f) I will always be broke
g) the phrase "embrace your pain" makes me want to whack peaceful meditation consultants in the head with a large and heavy blunt object
h) Housekeeping was always overrated, but has become completely superfluous
i) I want to do and say mean things to the husband of my dearest friend.  I used to think this man was a real gem.  Not anymore.
j) my blood pressure is astronomically high
k) my mother is still alive and struggling a lot less than I thought she would be by this time
l) my husband is completely fed up with my RA and wants his regular wife back - she's gone
m) Everything hurts and nobody gets it
n) I can't knit anymore
o) acupuncture hasn't helped yet, but the nice rest on the table is probably worth the $5 co-pay
p) I need sleep.  See the previous list item under "m"


  1. I'm really sorry that you are dealing with chronic pain. I know from family members how difficult it is and how it can change everything about your outlook. I wish I could sit down and chat with you in person.

  2. well, it's good to be learning, you've always got that. as for the pain, i feel a bit guilty about how painless life has been for me of late... well, i'm not sure if that's true. perhaps it's more of a "is that all there is to a fire" feeling, having survived the cancer but not the more idiotic/pathetic aspects of bipolar disorderly conduct, feeling too old to be so lost, too lost to be feeling so old.

    the mother-in-law thing calls justifiable homicide to mind... a couple years ago my father-in-law set up housekeeping on our couch... i very quickly realized that one of us had to go and it clearly wasn't going to be him, but god intervened and put him in someone else's inlaw apartment, which just shows that not all prayers fall on deaf ears.